As a protest to the Russian ‘Special Operation’ in Donbass – the British Tory Government has decided to ‘REMOVE’ the letters ‘V’ and ‘Z’ from the Roman alphabet currently in use throughout the nation! Priti Patel – speaking to The Economist last night stated
“The Romans invaded our land and enforced this alphabet upon us. It now not only seems right but also morally imperative that we do something about it!”
The Tory government has announced that from April 1st, 2022, the English Alphabet will no longer contain the letters ‘V’ or ‘Z’ following a month-long consultative period involving Amnesty International, the Red Cross and Voice of America! Boris Johnson, a man renowned for his diction, made a statement from 10 Downing Street that cutting the Alphabet from an extravagant 26 letters to a more compact, manageable – and above all ‘concise’ 24 letters – is exactly what Britain needs today! It will present challenges, he continued, but nothing that the British fighting spirit will not overcome given enough time. Obviously, he considered, words such as ‘violin’ and ‘zoo’ amongst many others will have to be reconsidered with viable (another word that will be gone) alternatives developed and road-tested! When asked why these changes were need, the Prime Minister explained that a number of Ukrainian refugees had complained about these two letters in the Roman alphabet when they arrived in the UK – as these letters reminded them of the Russian invasion of their country! When pressed about the rumours that within this batch of refugees there were a number of known paedophiles, murderers and rapists, Johnson refused to be drawn on what he described as ‘fact-driven’ hysteria!