Taliban: Frontline Queer News!

Racism Lays Behind the Western Rejection of Taliban ‘Gayness’…

A spokesperson for the Taliban’s ‘Touched by Allah’ Silver Smile and Pink Turban Special Attack Group has responded with disappointment at what they describe as a wave of ‘anti-Taliban’ gay hysteria that has spread across the West and has even included members of the LGBTQNB+ progressive press – accusing the Taliban of being ‘anti-gay’! A spokesperson for the Taliban explained ‘Although one or two of our younger warriors might have tossed a few sexually degenerate recruits off a roof every so often – this does not imply a ‘trend’ or a ‘policy’, but rather activities if a small number whose behaviour exceeded our preferred response. Today, after twenty glorious years of taking the money of the West, the Taliban has initiated a more egalitarian approach to ‘inclusion’ with our recruiting process. We used to surround a village with a cordon of heavily armed men and threaten to kill 50% of the population if no one freely ‘volunteered’ to fight for the Taliban! Obviously, we had to be careful not to shoot ourselves in the foot – as you Westerners say!’

‘Are There Any Women, Present?’

He went on to explain that gay members of the Taliban are given pink turbans and forced to go first into combat as special suicide squads! Within Islamic Jihadi ideology, this counts as a great honour for a Muslim gay who is striving for Allah’s forgiveness through assertive pro-Islamic activity! If the right amount of positive action is taken, then there is a high possibility that Allah will turn a blind eye to the gayness and grant all kinds of beneficial boons to a soul as it is released from the body at the point of personal death! Taking into account the quite stark cultural differences between the Taliban frontline and the PinkNews front-desk – it is correct to suggest that this is as much of a so-called ‘liberal’ shift of policy that the Taliban movement is able to initiate within this stage of its development. Rumour has it that a number of rough and tough frontline Taliban warlords have returned from fighting at with front with long hair and beards seeking tampons – as each is a trans man who formerly lived as highly oppressed Islamic women in a backward (US-controlled) village until it was liberated by the Taliban several years ago!

A Taliban Spokesperson – Oddly ‘Isolated’…

After a swift execution of the cis males – the Taliban offered the remaining women the chance to ‘transition’ into the male gender! Three took the opportunity and have never looked back! One stated ‘If I had known how much better life is for a man within Islamic society – I would have opted much earlier to transition into a male body!’ The question is whether the Western media should meet the Taliban half-way and recognise the progressive nature of its recent reforms particularly in the area of LGBTQNB+ rights! Stop the negative comments and open those closed minds! 

Taliban Education Minister: ‘A Penis Looks Like This!’

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