Occam’s Nail: Ancient DIY Accidents in Cambridge Confirmed! (10.12.2021)

The skeletal remains of a man who trod on a nail some 1,900 years ago in the UK in what is now Cambridge is thought to represent the world’s first genuine example of a ‘DIY’ accident found by archaeologists! David Forester – the team leader employed by Cambridge Council – admitted that in his initial press releases he went a little over the top and started making unsubstantiated claims of ‘crucifixions’ occurring within Roman Britain, primarily after watching the History Channel and being impressed with the sheer number of Biblical finds uncovered by fanatic Zionists and their trusty trawls in the ancient (occupied) country of Palestine! David remarked “As it is around Christmas I got carried-way with thoughts of ‘Saviours’, ‘Virgin Births’ and ‘Resurrections’, etc, and thought we should get in on the act in the UK! Not much of any genuine historical significance has ever happened in the UK and this find certainly proves that!” Whereas a Biblical crucifixion usually involves a nail through both feet and certainly one through each palm – this find shows only a single solitary nail through just one foot – in this case the left-foot! Marcus Magnisson of Norway’s prestigious ‘Viking’s Passage’ University happened to encounter the object online and contacted David Forester to clarify the provenance of the find. Speaking in Viz Magazine he said “Yes. What we have here is a DIY-trap set by a Viking woman for her erstwhile Viking husband. Believe it or not, but Vikings would play practical jokes upon one another – in this case ‘inserting’ sharp objects into the fleshy areas of an unsuspecting body – often to relieve boredom during times of non-pillage or in this case to celebrate an important milestone in a relationship.” Prof. Magnisson went on to explain that “had it been the ‘right-foot’ then the relationship involved would have been ‘on the rocks’ – but as it is the left-foot all is well.”

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