Paignton: Moses Waveman – Appearing Opposite the Gasworks for a Limited Time! (24.6.2023)

My father used to wave further up the road but due to the Managers of various (UKIP-supporting) Hotels in the area continuously calling the Police due to drivers ‘beeping’ their car-horns in happiness – he moved to the more remote area away from these deficients and their bigoted attitudes! After-all, the happiness he represents will outlast the dark politic intrigues these reprehensible individuals support! As Moses Waveman always says – look toward the light – as that is the direction the answer to all your problems lie! Today, as he is 80 years old, my father states that he is mostly ‘light’ and that when what is left of his body finally transitions into pure consciousness – it will be time to leave this Earthly plane! THANK YOU Yannis Nicolaou and the Young People of Toorbay!

James Cameron: Netflix Biopic ‘Titan’! (22.6.2023)

A leaked source has suggested the title will be ‘Five Billion Dollars Beneath the Waves’ – whilst EMI are rumoured to be in negotiations with Ringo Starr regarding a ‘Special Re-Release’ of his ‘The Beatles’ hit single – ‘Yellow Submarine’! King Charles is said to have paid tribute by flushing a flower down one of the toilets of Buckingham Palace (facing West) – whilst the Daily Mirror has changed it’s lead head line from tributes ‘flood in’ – to tributes ‘roll in’! Yes, it’s hypocrisy aplenty!

OceanGate: Full Refunds and Apology – 泰坦尼克探险潜水器失踪5人生死未卜 – (22.6.2023)

As there is no ill-feeling – OceanGate will NOT be charging the families concerned for the loss of the Submersible (Titan I) and will NOT be pursuing renumeration for the ample cost of the Search and Rescue Mission. Furthermore:

1) OceanGate will be issuing a full refund of $125,000 to the families of each participant.

2) OceanGate will be offering a 50% Discount coupon to the five families concerned.

3) This 50% Discount coupon will be redeemable for special ‘Titan II’ tours to the seabed for those onboard to observe the wreck of Titan I!

4) Titan I will become a ‘tomb’ for those who died onboard – with a special compartment reserved especially for those of the Islamic faith! This will be distinguished by a ‘Crescent Moon’ engraved on the outer structure!”

Which Will Be Spotted First – Nessy or Titan? (22.6.2023) 

OceanGate has announced that whatever the outcome, a special DVD, Bluray and ‘On Demand’ (Streamed) edition of the best extracts covering the past 4 days coverage will soon be on sale – with the first 500 units sold signed by the ‘new’ corporate heads! This Special Edition comes in a luminous ‘sealed’ bag – water-tight to the depth of 4000 feet – the actual depth the Titan probably sank to (rendering those onboard into a ‘deceased’ state)! As I write – OceanGate script writers are busy (behind the scenes) attending to fact check whether Putin can be weaved into the equation! Stand by for those fire works!  

Neo-Nazi Ukraine: “It must be something in the water!” – Vasil Nakonechni! (22.6.2023)

When asked how it was that he had managed to live so long, Vasil Nakonechni, (making a veiled reference to the “poisoned” water supply used to murder millions in the region), jokingly replied, “It must be something in the water!” After having served as a Guard in the German Concentration Camps, Vasil Nakonechni has stated how “proud” he was to have took an active part in the purging of his native Ukraine of “Jews” and “Communists” during the four glorious years of freedom they experienced (1941-1945) under Nazi German control!

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