EXPERTS IN SELLING THEIR CULTURE FROM THE COMFORT OF OUR WHITENESS!
Absolutely guaranteed to work!*
a) Collect stamps.
b) Collect stamps from Canada.
c) Collect stamps featuring Indigenous Canadian Peoples.
d) Assume a ‘Pretendian Identity’ presumed upon the owning of these stamps (the pictures are nice).
e) Apply for an ‘Indigenous Identity Certificate’ from a recognised Indigenous Peoples Organisation in Canada.
f) Sit-back and enjoy opening of the flood gates as the enhanced grants, loans, holidays, living spaces, academic choices and general positive uplifting of the holder of a ‘Pretendian Status’ flood in!
*(For a short-time only – each applicant will receive a free flute!)
Testiminy:
“I found myself completely excluded from the film industry until I acquired a Pretendian Identity! This Course quite literally changed my life!” Michelle Latimer
“Our mother was able to send us both to exclusive schools in Canada and provide us with a privileged upbringing! We could have achieved none of this without a Pretendian Identity Short Course! It not only changed our lives – it gave us our lives” Nadya & Amira Gill
“Being an Indigenous Healer – nobody took me seriously until I acquired a Pretendian Identity! Having gained entry to Canada’s Indigenous Communities – I am now in a position to spread their culture to them whilst wafting incense around! This aligns perfectly with my real Catholic past – so everyone’s a winner!” Mohawk – Atheshsa Niohkwa:rita:a — Little Brown Bear