Tag: 2015

This is the really clever bit. Anthony suggested that Joshua could make a huge Internet statement if he combined ‘extreme chimney sweeping’ with the unpopular activity of ‘blacking up’ (this was in 2008)! Black people would not mind, Anthony reassured, as they would think he was Black and merely being oppressed by the White man! After stripping naked and inserting himself up the chimney feet-first, he could cover himself in soot, clean the chimney and simultaneously sing ‘Mammy’ whilst hanging upside down and strumming a Ukulele! Anthony would film the entire affair and Joshua would become an overnight sensation on YouTube! From what I can gather, Joshua turned up a few days earlier for a dress rehearsal without his Ukulele – just to run through the dynamics of the planned procedure – but things did not go to plan, and he got ‘stuck’ up the chimney! Two days later Anthony showed up as planed with a camera and was stunned to find his friend already inserted up the chimney and dead from hypothermia! Obviously, Anthony panicked and pulled the breakfast bar from the crumbling (adjacent) wall and covered the entrance to the fireplace in an attempt to produce an ad hoc sense of ‘sanctity’ – and to stop the raccoons from nibbling upon the extremities of his friend’s remains! Following this rushed attempt of an entombment – Anthony Newman fled to New Mexico where he encountered a copy of Adolf Hitler’s book Mein Kampf – and embarked upon a career of murdering disabled people and raping young women! Meanwhile, the ‘mummified’ body of Joshua Maddux was not found for another seven years (during 2015) – when the building was being demolished to make way for a Ukulele School!