King of the Swingers Responsible for Outdoor Paranormal Sightings!

Fortean Times ran an article a few years back that concluded that all the Big Foot sightings and reports of large, self-supporting and self-propelling hiking poles between 1967-1987 are mostly misconstrued sightings of John Holmes – who used to like getting away from the bright-lights of the city and the relentless demands of the film industry by taking a few days of holiday walking ‘naked’ through the dark undergrowth! Due to his unique physical attributes, he often had to walk on three-legs – as a medical condition meant that he was often in a state of semi or full male arousal! He would be accused of ‘stalking’ those he encountered entirely by accident due to the size of his hood – which reminded others of a ‘dark figure’ (possibly a medieval monk). When questioned about all this, Johnny boy said that he has invited his gay friends to write-in and share their paranoid and most ridiculous stories. You will love the righting Christian bias and the racist content implying that the victims of White (racist) imperialism are as bad as the White people themselves! Om Shanti Shanti! At the time of going Press – the Office of Disney Corporations issued the following statement:

John Holmes Invites You to ‘Come and See!’

‘Lawyers acting for Disney (PLC) categorically refute that Mr John Holmes – either in spirit or in fact – has ever been contracted to Disney Corporations in any way or for any purpose – including (but limited to) acting, advertising, recruiting, touring, educating or otherwise acting in any capacity in the interests of Disney (PLC). Disney (PLC) hereby withdraws any ‘right’ (perceived or otherwise) for My John Holmes to be associated with the strap-line ‘King of the Swingers’ – which is from a song copyrighted to the Disney film entitled ‘The Jungle Book’ (1967).’

Porn Superstar John Holmes – Mistaken for Mass-Murderer!

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