Joshua Maddux and the Dangers of Extreme Chimney Sweeping! (16.3.2023)

This is the really clever bit. Anthony suggested that Joshua could make a huge Internet statement if he combined ‘extreme chimney sweeping’ with the unpopular activity of ‘blacking up’ (this was in 2008)! Black people would not mind, Anthony reassured, as they would think he was Black and merely being oppressed by the White man! After stripping naked and inserting himself up the chimney feet-first, he could cover himself in soot, clean the chimney and simultaneously sing ‘Mammy’ whilst hanging upside down and strumming a Ukulele! Anthony would film the entire affair and Joshua would become an overnight sensation on YouTube! From what I can gather, Joshua turned up a few days earlier for a dress rehearsal without his Ukulele – just to run through the dynamics of the planned procedure – but things did not go to plan, and he got ‘stuck’ up the chimney! Two days later Anthony showed up as planed with a camera and was stunned to find his friend already inserted up the chimney and dead from hypothermia! Obviously, Anthony panicked and pulled the breakfast bar from the crumbling (adjacent) wall and covered the entrance to the fireplace in an attempt to produce an ad hoc sense of ‘sanctity’ – and to stop the raccoons from nibbling upon the extremities of his friend’s remains! Following this rushed attempt of an entombment – Anthony Newman fled to New Mexico where he encountered a copy of Adolf Hitler’s book Mein Kampf – and embarked upon a career of murdering disabled people and raping young women! Meanwhile, the ‘mummified’ body of Joshua Maddux was not found for another seven years (during 2015) – when the building was being demolished to make way for a Ukulele School!

Email: Mr Huu Can Tran – Innocent Until Proven Guilty! (23.1.2023)

OK – so this is a Chinese-language comment left on one of the articles concerning Mr Huu Can Tran (innocent until proven guilty) which reads:

‘一个人走过海旁,看见另一个人想跳海自杀。 他走上前去劝说「先生,不要跳下去!」 那人问道:「为什么?」 他说:「生命是美好的嘛!你是无神论者还是有宗教信仰?」 那人答:「我有宗教信仰。」 「佛教、道教、回教还是基督教?」 「基督教」 「罗马天主教还是新教?」 「新教」 「我也是新教呢!圣公会还是浸信会?」 「浸信会」 「太好啦!我也是浸信会,你是Baptist Church of God还是Baptist Church of the Lord? 」 「Baptist Church of God. 」 「真是太奇妙啦!我也是,那你是原教旨的Baptist Church of God还是改革派的? 「改革派的」 「1879年的改革派还是1915年的?」 「1915年的改革派。」 那人朝他屁股一脚把他伸进海里:「异端!去死吧!」’

Neo-Nazi Ukraine: Ultra-Nationalist – Dmitry “Sunset” Sidorko – Has Been Liquidated! (27.11.2022) 

The US-backed President Zelensky of the Ukraine has stated that Sidorko was a “misunderstood” youth who needed an outlet for his youthful vigour! (Zelensky was reported as being “furious” – when he was unexpectedly asked at a recent Press Conference ‘How many sides does a football have’ by “Agents Provocateurs” – after he could not answer the question). Sidorko was planning on supporting the US Soccer team at the 2022 World Cup – but his hopes were dashed when he was informed Qatar was an “Islamic” country!

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