As a former Squaddie in the British Army, would you order such flatulent bastards to be shot on sight? Would they be shot in the arse-hole? Is passing wind from the anus – tantamount to a “sexual offense”? Where do you draw the line? Where do you stand on this issue – bolt-upright – I hope! Of course, we understand this might be a sensitive issue for you – as many of your public speeches have been described (by the liberal press) as “farting into a bucket”. We are also aware that the surname of Katy – “Fanning” – was ordered changed by yourself due to its association with a swear-word associated with the female never-regions. Now, Katy is known as “Paris” – after the city in which you lost your virginity – allegedly.