Category: Satire – Humour – Irony

Sam Jones "On Run" After Wombat Incident!

Australia: Foreigner Who “Fingered” Underage Wombat – On Run! (15.3.2025)

In a statement on Instagram, Jones defended her actions, claiming she had been trying to prevent the wombat from being hit by a vehicle and had briefly examined it for injuries before returning it to its mother. She acknowledged she had acted impulsively and expressed regret for causing distress.

However, she also lashed out at the Australian government, highlighting its policies that allow farmers to kill wombats and other wild animals, said the ABC report.

Under Australia’s Environmental and Biosecurity Protection Act 1999, it is illegal to take or harm native animals without a legal reason. Wildlife experts clarified that handling a joey is only permissible if its mother is confirmed dead and the animal requires rescue, it said, adding authorities have not announced any legal action against Jones at this time.

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Starmer Promises Investigation!

UK: Abused Bones of PG Tips Chimp – “Migrant Midget in Suit” – Study Finds! (15.3.2025)

Starmer has announced a new “vetting” service managed by Border Force – and staffed in co-ordination with London Zoo. “We live in troubling times for the UK tax-payer who has to not only fund Neo-Nazi Ukraine for next 100-years – but also the “genocide” committed by Zionist Israel. The second of those two tasks could arguably take even longer. To assist these two grand undertakings – Labour is determined to stamp-out illegal entry to the UK and will not tolerate migrants ‘disguised’ as animals acting in the advertisement industry as a legitimate point for Visa acquisition.”

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Blinged-Up Egyptian Mummies Not Welcome in UK!

British MPs Call for “Deportation” of Unwanted Egyptian Migrants! (13.3.2025)

Many of these mummies arrived well before the Windrush generation – with none ever living in a British colony. It is believed the final leg of the journey saw the mummies arrive from the continent in small boats – imported by unscrupulous smugglers – for nefarious purposes. Once in the UK, such incomers become very difficult to remove, due to Human Rights legislation. The numbers then often multiply – as family members are discovered in their home countries (usually in a state of vagrancy) – and imported into the UK to complete highly lucrative exhibitions and displays.

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French Foreign Legion - Definitely NOT Fighting in Neo-Nazi Ukraine!

Hackman Latest: “March Or Die” – “Mummy IV” Cross-Over in Doubt! (6.3.2025)

It is believed that Betsy was summoned by an incomplete “bugle call” – that locals claim was suddenly “cut-short” at a key-point in the French martial (musical) arrangement – an oddity for the perfectionist Hackmen – an actor who redefined “Method Acting” by adopting a complete indifference to its protocols. “This is a total tragedy and loss of talent!” – Donald Trump. “Hackman knew how to deal with unwanted foreigners!” Elon Musk. The headquarters of the French Foreign Legion in France today – has lowered its flag to half mast!

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Betsy & Gene in Happy Days!

Hackman Latest – Santa Fe Police Call-In “Dog Voice Therspists” to Crack Case! (5.3.2025)

The Police have engaged Dog Voice Therspists – experts in a type of K-9 body and sign language – to communicate with the two surviving dogs to see if any information can be gleamed from their memory of events. It is early days and the process is slow – as it appears that the dogs belonged to Betsy – and prefer to communicate in Hawaiian-Japanese. The two experts currently available specialise in American-English and face an up-hill battle. The latest report suggests that both dogs assert that their grandparents do not know the grandparents of the translators – and therefore it would be impolite to share any intimate information regarding their owner – or the non-Japanese man she chose to live with. We will keep you updated as more information becomes available. 

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UK: Was “Topov” from Pipkins Meant to be “Chinese”? (1.3.2025)

Topov, according to the Sun, wears a “Maoist cap” – and speaks a type of London accent (commonly heard in Chinatown’s Gerrard Street) – but with a distinctive “Cantonese” twang. When the owners of the Copyright threatened to sue the Sun – the article was quietly withdrawn and a apology offered. The Editor of the Sun, however, stated that although he believes the information to be correct – the current “Woke” dominated environment means that the dark truth surrounding one particular an aspect of a much loved children’s TV classic can no longer be discussed in public.

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