Peter Pringle is recovering in a Sichuan hospital today, following an emergency call from the Central Panda-Bear Reserve earlier in the day! Ping Ping – a three-old male Panda had to be tranquillised in an effort to extract a semi-conscious and bleeding Peter from its grasp! A spokesperson for the Centre has stated that Ping Ping has never behaved like this before and that an investigation will soon take place. Peter Pringle – speaking from his hospital bed – told the Sun exactly what led to this deadly attack! He said that he went to China to debunk the existence of Panda Bears and prove they are a ‘confidence trick’ perpetuated by the Communist Party upon the fee-paying general public! Part of his plan was to physically ‘touch’ the bear’s crotch area and ‘prove it had no balls!’ Whereas Peter expected to feel an empty space – he actually encountered two testicles and a penis! From that moment onwards the only thing on Ping Ping’s mind ‘was to mate’ and Peter was thrown all over the bear enclosure – suffering a number of broken bones and ripped clothing! The British Embassy in Beijing has refused to comment on this story.